Yes I have a great therapist! I am very grateful. It is expensive as I pay for this out of my own pocket. But I figure, ehy I am so broke what is the difference! I need it! He is very good, he helps me a lot. Unfortunately atm I can only afford to see him in a month.
As for today, I am not doing so well. I am not really having PAs. Haven'T had an actual fullblown attack in super long. I have had a few little ones but I barely consider them attacks at all and even those are few and far beween. What is killing me is the constant pressure inside. I feel like a pressure cooker that is about to blow at anytime. And I feel this stress or tension or ansiety (call it whatever you want) all the time lately! It is exhausting. I sfeel stretched out and thin and under pressure! I worry a lot too. I guess atm I am more GAD then PD! Urgh who knows. Does the diagnostic matter all that much?
I am tired. Well less tired than usual. The sleeping pills have been helping a bit. I am also hormonal (that time of the month, sorry gentlemen!)!!! I am really anxious.
I start work on Monday. And I have a super important meeting on Tuesday. That meeting could decide my academic future and I am not nearly ready to go! I am just not getting anywhere. I can't seem to manage to do anything. I feel like a hamster in a wheel! I run and I don't get anywhere. I feel like a big lazy failure. Here I am with a great opportunity ahead of me and I can't even manage to get ready for it. How lame! I feel so horrible and overhwlemed!
I talked to my mom. she will come over tomorrow night and help me with a few things. Tonight she helped me prepare my class for my student. I am so behind on everything. And that meeting is so importnat. Man I am blowing this cause I can't seem to do anything except spin my wheels for no reason.
As you can see today is a bad day and I need to start applying my thought challenging skills. I am sad, depressed, tired, anxious and overhwlemed to the extreme. This is not a good day for me! I feel lame.
I feel alone. My hubby asked what is wrong but when I tell him he doesn't answer anything. When I tell him I wish he would say something he says he doesn't know what to say. I feel alone.
I want to get control over myself. I want to get back to what I was which was organized and productive! Now I am tired and lame and lazy! I am blowing all sorts of things because of it too! I just want to fix things and I don't know how or where to start. I am so overhwlemed! Most things in my life are a mess at the moment! I just want to crawl under the blankets and hide.
Keep having to remind myself of the truth: This too shall pass! But I still feel like a pressure cooker. Like a pretty frail old pressure cooker lol. This too shall pass!