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Managing Drinking Community
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Im new here - couldn’t seem to post in the intro area but I like what I see in this discussion. I can relate to all. I’ve been drinking for many years, sometimes socially and other times , too many times it has been a disaster with many casualties. sometimes I take a break. I need the sobriety to last this time. I need it for my family, for myself too. My doctor sent me to this site for daily accountability and I have begun seeing a counsellor. Apparently that is what I’m missing. I am facing some difficult truths but perhaps that means progress. No more blaming others. I’m ready. I need help. Thank you.
Thanks everyone. You are all very encouraging. I don’t have a lot of confidence right now so thank you. I’ve been down this road much too frequently. Im very blessed that I still have a family that supports me and I have much guilt around what I have burdened them with. In a strange way, this is what helps me not to drink today. It’s an uncomfortable feeling as my therapist would say but necessary. I have spent so much time asking myself what leads me back to the bottle without any real and truthful answers. It’s the alcohol in the bottle that leads me back there. I plan to banish it from my life once and for all and right all the wrongs it has caused me and those I love. Thanks for the book idea. I will seek that out. This time, I will take action and stick to it. 4 days without a taste!
I had a good day. Thanks Lynn123 and gusa. I kept myself busy and tried to stay in the moment with gratitude. Advice from my old sponsor! I have a lot of fear about letting my family down again. My therapist has been talking me through this and using it for good. I’m not sure if anyone here has kids but that part has been very difficult for me. My wife and daughters are my life and I want a sober me as much for them as I want it for myself. I’ve been very depressed when I think of the me they have seen in the past. My therapist is helping me come to terms with that. Can anyone give me some ideas on what worked for you when you were about to take that first drink? I really don’t want to go down that road again.
That was very inspiring Lynn123. When I think about what others have conquered, I know I can do this. My brother lost his son five years ago. It was devastating for all of us but I really admire him. He would not go down the drinking road he said, because that’s not what his son would want for him. Pretty impressive if you knew all the problems in our family that preceded us. This is my other big reason for stopping, I don’t want my kids to remember me like I remember our dad. Not that he was a bad person, but just an absent one that seemed very far away, because of alcohol. I suppose I’m obsessed with listing my reasons over and over in my head. Just a bit of anxiety going on here!
Hi Grapeseed, exercise has been really helpful for me too. I didn’t go to bars but I did remove a few things from my life that were a risk to me. Ive decided not to drive past the store where I usually buy and we no longer have any booze at our home. I am also taking a break from a few friends and family that drink regularly. They don’t have issues with it like I do, but if I’m honest, I do think about it more in the days after I see them. I’m envious I suppose. Anyways, all these things together might help us both. Good luck grapeseed!
Thanks for your reply Fox and Gus. I’ve never done hypnosis but at this point, I’ll try anything that will help. Fox, yes, I was a member of aa for a while. It didn’t work for me for the long term but I do realize part of that is because I really wanted to drink.I feel like I have a clearer head now, perhaps because I almost lost my marriage and the respect of my daughters and a few close friends, but in any case, I am thankful. I’m thankful for the friends that put me first and my family first, over their need to have their buddy drink with them. Some friends and family have not done this. They’re not all to blame , I know this. They ask me to join them because they don’t really know the depth of the problems my drinking has caused. They probably think I’m like them, but I’m not. All I know now is that I cannot make everyone happy . They will find others to drink with and I need to put my health and the happiness of my girls first. They deserve that. I won’t take that first drink. I won’t.
I’m new here, trying to quit drinking for good. I’m posting in the anxiety forum for advice. I’ve done some awful things because of alcohol. Things that have caused anxiety for my wife, my mother, and daughters. Yes I’m surrounded by women! I really want to stop this time and make amends for the pain and embarrassment I’ve caused them. Two years ago, I would never have said that. I probably spent more time telling them and myself how they were over reacting, but I’m ready now. I can see and think clearly. From the viewpoint of someone with anxiety, what are some things I can do to help them with this? They seem to worry still even though I haven’t drank in almost a week. Is there anything I could do or say that would make them trust me more? I am really quitting forever this time.
Thanks. I want to be a non drinker. A certain day won’t do it for me, trust me I’ve tried that. I’m back with a sponsor now. He understands me and doesn’t take my excuses. There’s no need to recount the details but something happened and for the first time, I was sober to see it and I allowed myself to see it. I witnessed the fear in my girls. Fear that their dad would drink and perhaps die from it. Not far fetched at all. I have come close to death several times. By God’s protection, I am still here and still have my wife and girls. Years ( maybe months ago too) ago, I would look at others and think I wasn’t as bad an alcoholic as they were because I hadn’t been arrested yet. My yard stick is different now. I look at many men around me that I admire and I want to be more like them. Booze will not win again. I have too much to lose.
Congratulations on two weeks sober. You sound a lot like me. Too much to lose to let booze win. I’m 6 days and I’m never letting it in again. This isn’t my first time to the rodeo. I’ll be following your progress. Thanks for the ideas on what to say to friends. My friends that know never offer me drinks or situations that might challenge me. My circle is smaller now but that’s a good thing. I’m all in this time around. I listened to the ms on YouTube. Maybe it’s helping. I do feel like it’s a little easier this time.
Yes, I don’t miss the day after effects. I was also messed up in my head during the time that I was drinking even if I wasn’t drinking on that day. I can’t explain it really, I just have a clearer head. A break is good and I try not to think ahead of today but for me, drinking is not something I can consider going back to. I have gone back to it too many times, not intentionally, and each time the results were worse than before. I haven’t been completely open here but I have tried many different ways of drinking. Things have happened that I’m not proud of. That’s not who I am. I’m a football dad that works hard. I want my girls and my wife to be proud of me. I want to be proud of who I am again. I thought about drinking last evening, just a small one. Things were heated at home with one of my girls but I did what you said , think about what happens when I start to drink. I usually don’t stop. I also thought about my wife dealing with our daughter alone. Not fair to her if I try to fix my stress with a bottle. I’m a parent too. I’m going to listen to the YouTube guy again today and do an AA meeting too. I have a new sponsor I can call if I find myself at the doorstep of buying again. Signing off but I’ll be back again. Thanks and good luck to you every day!
Thanks for that plan Ashley. I have a similar one in my head. Somewhat different because it’s not always possible to leave a situation or trigger. At work, there are challenging people that I have to work with. At home, there are teens I love my kids but there are heavy conversations sometimes and I refuse to walk away from my girls just because they’re hard to reason with sometimes. That burden has fallen on their mum too often while I wasn’t lucid enough to speak in full sentences. You get the picture. I talked to my therapist about this and he helped me realize that anything can be a trigger for me, it just depends on how much I want a drink. If I want to drink, I’ll find any excuse. The best way he has helped is to deal with any stress in a healthy way. Breathe, be calm, find humor in the situation! Honestly, many times after being sober and I drank again weren’t times when I actually thought I wanted a drink, it’s almost as if I thought of it, then I’m at the store in the line. Like Gus said, I’m not sure that I crave it but I guess if I end up drinking, I must have wanted it. As for family counseling Ashley, I’m not sure I can do that just yet. It’s very difficult to face the anxiety that my drinking has caused for my family. I understand now why it’s called a family disease. It changes people.I have talked to them about it somewhat but I will admit that I have a lot of fear around that. I don’t want to hear what they’ve seen. I realize that’s not fair. I hope I can get there soon. I liked your advice though, about being patient. I know it will take time to regain their trust and I fully plan to.
Congratulations Gus ! You sound like you’re doing awesome. Thanks for the advice, I use that all the time. I can’t remember the worst times, but I can remember the next day, how devastated I felt and how sad and angry my family looked. I use that to stop myself.
Foxman, I like what you say about the deep realization that we’re not like others. I had trouble with that my first time in AA. I told myself I wasn’t like the others because frankly, I hadn’t lost as much as they had. The truth is, I was only a step away from complete devastation. I was spared. My life was spared, my family was spared and I thank god every day for that. I lied to others, I lied to myself. No more lying for me. If I drink again, it will not be because I think a can handle it, it will be because I lied to myself again and let my guard down. I know that this is typical for us alcoholics and there will always be those that have lost more, or behaved worse than I have ( although that one I would challenge!) but I don’t want to be that person anymore. I heard my daughter on an alateen meeting one eve and it brought me to my knees. I will never make my kids suffer like that again. I know I have damaged them and I can’t take it back but I am determined to let them be sure that they can rely on me forever, to be there for them, to be honest with them and to say no to drinking every day for their lifetimes. We have all done horrible things when drunk but that fact will never repair how my girls and their mum have been hurt. I’m so thankful I can see this now. I don’t know where my head was a few months ago. I’m past the excuses and blame. Fox man and others, can you tell some things you’ve done on a practical level to help stay sober? I want to ensure that I’m not missing anything obvious. One thing I plan to do this summer is to only attend cook outs with people who I would not drink with, basically people that know I have a problem. Another day sober!