Anxiety: Started after my mother dies 6 years ago.
Panic attacks: Started after my own near death allergic reaction.
Fearful of: Dying of allergic reaction to just about anything now.
Trouble with it: Now I break out in hives from stress, and think it is an allergic reaction: Awesome.
Limitations: I hate being alone, I am so afraid I will have an allergic reaction (BTW severe allergic reactions and panic attacks feel incredibly like one another) and not be able to get to the epi pen fast enough or I will die in front of my son who is 4 years old.
I do not drive anywhere but the store and work with limits me to about a 10 mile radius and on some days that is utterly panic stricken drive. Just writing this down is causing me to tense up!!!
Eating is a challenge, since my anaphylaxis I have learned I am allergic to shellfish and aspirin (both of which I ate and took for 39 years)
I practice medicine for a living and I am trying to help people get over what I can not seem to do! Awesome again!
(Good news when I am work , everyone know what to do!)
I feel like a stuck miserable failure most of the time, but you would never know it, i am quite skilled at smiling and playing it down.
Good News: 1/2 mg Ativan sometimes 1/4 mg gets me through the day. I never dosed up and just sucked it up when things got bad with the symptoms because I am aware of the withdraw issues with higher doses and figured I have enough problems. (never took SSRI's I breast fed my son for 3 years and the research is weak with breastfeeding and SSRI's so I chose not to) I was unable to leave my house 2 years ago alone at all, my husband drove me to work...and that is all I did. Now through meditation and much work with a therapist I am able to get myself to work and eat more.... But I am so far away form the person I would to be.... I want my freedom back!
I hope that I will be able to overcome this so that I may help others overcome their issues with panic and anxiety. I also want to drive alone in my car without feeling freaked out and pulling over on the freeway crying thinking I am dying! What a concept!
I hope someone here understands how freaking hard this is and how much energy goes into this crap every freaking day! I just want my freedom back!