New to the site
Hi everyone. I stumbled upon this website through Google and just started the CBT a few days after registration. I am just started with a therapist a week ago; however, those sessions are only every other Saturday. It was a challenge trying to find someone who could see me with all of my obstacles so when I was told they have someone I could see every other Saturday, I was happy with that. Just that my anxiety has gotten so out of control that I have visited the ER in the last 2 weeks. The 1st visit, they wanted to keep me in the hospital overnight for more bloodwork, tests, monitoring because bloodwork taken in ER showed elevated enzymes which could have suggested possible borderline heart attack, but maybe not. ER doctor had no idea after sharing that news with me, then leaving the room that he was dealing with someone with bad anxiety so there I was left alone to spin into another panic attack from that news with nobody in the room with me. Good news is everything else done came back showing normal and was diagnosed as stress. Bloodwork at ER last night came back normal and was diagnosed with stress/anxiety.
My circumstances may be a bit different or more complicated than most here as I am suffering from chronic pain from a failed back surgery last year. Had a disc herniation in Feb. last year, surgery in June when non-surgical didn't work, had 2nd herniation and symptoms of needing emergency surgery. Never wanted the surgery. I've heard all of the horror stories of those who had back surgery & tried to avoid it at all cost. Now, I'm just another one added to the list to share my bad story of having back surgery. I've been on narcotic pain meds. for 7 months now because of the chronic pain, and after reading up on longterm effects of opiates, have tried several times to wean myself off only to end up back in pain or suffering some of the withdrawal symptoms henceforth the panic attacks. Even though I was diagnosed with PA 20 years ago, with the help of counseling and I believe a year period of being on a long term medication, I weaned myself off that and the attacks have been kept under really good control. Would have one occasionally and when I would sit back and think about what was going on in my life at the time, it was something stressful. I have stayed very physically active with a close knit of friends I met through church until I herniated my disc last year. Since then, I have lost all but one of those friends as I'm not physically able to go on trips, let alone travel here in town. I went in and out of work last year worrying with losing my job due to a writen notice from previous year. Spine surgeon kept ignoring all of my concerns after the surgery. He was living some sort of egotistical high off the 2 post-operative MRIs talking about how great they were yet ignoring my pain. I asked to be referred over to Pain Management and that has not been a joy either. They determined from a 3 hr. test where I sat for a total of 5 mins. that I was capable of returning back to work full time 1st of this year. PAs started sometime in Nov. last year due to trying to wean myself off another med. (muscle relaxant - schedule 4 drug) yet PM doctor refused to acknowledge this. Also started with menopause around this time in which anxiety is one of many symptoms of hormonal imbalance. So with me, it is the combination of past anxiety being triggered by this life changing medical condition, menopause, symptoms of trying to come off pain medications that cannot just be stopped and have many withdrawal symptoms with anxiety being one. I'm also on Klonopin and Metoprolol (for fast heartrate & high BP) through my primary dr., ultra low dose of BCP with OB-GYN to help with hormonal imbalance. Now being told by my manager that my excessive tardiness, days off inapproved (no more PTO for this month) will have to be treated according to company policy. She understands what I'm going through but if I don't make an effort to be at work all week for 40 hours, they will either have to write me up or fire me. I wake up every single morning feeling anxiety yet have to be at work for 8 hrs. on pain meds. when I cannot sit/stand for long periods. I am at the point where I just need to face the possibility of losing my job and letting the filing for disability continue on. That alone is a nightmare but my job is not worth my life or health.
OK, sorry so wordy but I tend to be that way at times and just wanted to share my story with everyone here. It's nice to have another outlet to come to in the middle of my bi-weekly therapy sessions. No friends in my life, can't get out to go to church and my home fellowship meetings anymore so I've become pretty isolated though not by choice. I can't make people whom I thought were my friends be in my life when they have walked away. I enjoy reading the forums since I joined last week. It's encouraging to read and know there are others out there, just like me, to relate to anxiety and the challenges in life from it.