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Fear of Getting back to work


My apologies... having a moment. Didn't realize I was replying to a thread... Oopsie!

4L4A
I am new to this site. I was diagnosed with depression about nine years ago.
Long story short, I am working a job that for the first time where I haven't already screwed it up (I'm two months in). No diciplinary action because I've skipped work, no letters of concern from the bosses or schedulers, etc. You know the deal.
I've been finding it hard again lately to not skip out though. I have a wedding in the fall and a one year old son, so you would think they are good motivators, and they are. I have skipped out a couple of times, unnoticed, thanks to the nature of my job. I woke up one day and forced myself to go the whole day, but I kept having thoughts of just wanting to go home. Lay in bed or the couch and watch TV... mind numbing tube time. I do that a lot. House is a mess, phone calls to make, things to do... but I just watch TV or sleep. Anyway, so far so good on the not getting into trouble part yet, but I feel I am dangerously close to risking my job in the possible near future... one things that will set me off... constantly wondering if I can do it. If I can keep and work a stable job. No skipping out or being "sick". 
Any advice? Anyone experiencing this? Anyone experienced this but much later is still at the same job? How did you do it? What do you tell yourself?

4L4A
I just went back to work myself after being off for 8 months (in school) and 4 months the year prior to that. Trust me its been very hard doing going back. That is why I am here right now, well that and I never got better just got good at pretending and consuming intoxicating substances. But I have a 90 average in computer networking and work for the health system in my area. You need work, just as I know I need it. Your problem isn't with working it is fearing you will have an anxiety attack. Which could happen anywhere at anytime. Learn to understand that and you will be able to cope. I get about 3-4 major attacks a week. I learned the hard way that running from the place you are having them makes you think the place is the problem. And its not you are. I know it sounds lame but breathe it out if it happens. Just remember what is the worst thing that could possible happen. You loose your new job and your back to where you started. Well just try again.
I fell very similar to what you have described Jasper,  I was also doing quite well at work then a few stressfull situations happened at the same time and I started having bad symptoms including severe insomnia and stomach ulcers as well as anxiety and panic attacks.  I had to stop going to work and now I feel like I will have a panic attack if i go to work.  I feel scared to go back but there's really nothing to fear.  I feel like my anxiety is getting worse as I am feeling more and more scared to even leave my house or talk on the phone.  I have seen my doctor and am now taking Prozac.  I really hope this program will help, and I think it will.  I just went through session one today.
 
It helps to know that I'm not alone in this.
 
Thanks
Nick 
7 years ago 0 Jasper 9 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
eleveno,

thank you for the encouragement. Yes, I do find the CBT program very helpful. I will continue for sure.

Jasper
7 years ago 0 eleveno 619 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Great job Jasper for the conclusion of session 3. Congratulations!
 
You already saw some of the benefits of CBT. Just keep working on the program. We are here for any help you need.
7 years ago 0 Jasper 9 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Josie,

Thank you. I have currently completed Session 3 of the Program, doing home work to track the activities and record my mood.
As you suggested, I will follow the program and do the homework. Sometimes, I felt that I do not need to do homework properly when I felt better. My mind starts to jump to how to get back to work and plan the options of going back. Apparently I wasn't ready for it. My better mood quickly deteriorated. That's the lesson I have learned. Just to share with everyone.

Thanks,
Jasper
 
Jasper,
 
Thanks for sharing with us!  Shared experiences are great for helping others and yourself.  You are a very valued member in your work and this is amazing!
 
Take the time to go through the program and understand what is happening to you.  The program allows you to take each session step by step, remember CBT is only effective when you do the homework. Worksheets help you track your homework exercises and CBT is a lot of work!

As you move through the Depression Program the worksheets will change as you change. Make sure you give yourself time to do the homework properly - you know your depression best so it's really up to you to decide how often you do your homework. Take your time when you do your homework, there is no rush!

Each session in the Depression Program is based on previous sessions, and if you track your mood with your Mood Tracker (and keep notes in the spaces provided) you'll see much improvement over the coming weeks.

At the beginning of each session we give you a Weekly Review, which allows you to see how far you've progressed. We save your Weekly Review results in your Session Diary, so you will see a collection of results, which are all based on what you write in your worksheets.

CBT is a lot of work but the good news is that if you follow the program it will all come together for you as you start to feel better.

Please don't hesitate to contact us if you have any other questions or concerns.
 
 

 
Josie, Health Educator
7 years ago 0 Jasper 9 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0

I am on short-term medical leave due to depression. the cause of the depression was work stress related. Now, my mood becomes worse when I think about the options of getting back to work: same workload, reduced workload, or part-time ease-in and so on. Without thinking about the work, my mood seems to be stabilized.

I used to be a person who inspires others (like Aisley said in another email thread). Many people directly told me that I have inspired him or her. In my work, I am viewed as a thought leader. I chair a number of meetings. Many people look at me for advice and for leadership. My performance review is very positive too. I enjoy the work and environment I was in.

However, with the depression disorder (seemed to occur suddenly with some minor triggers), I have lost confidence and can not be inspirational to others. I can not think as clearly as before to be a thought leader. I feel like to recover to my old me and continue to play the role, but don't have the capability now. This situation made me very sad and even depressed.

Any advice or suggestions are appreciated.

Jasper

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